I ate a piece of Dove chocolate the other day, it told me to buy myself flowers. I don’t know how it knows me so well, because I really enjoy buying flowers and treating myself to a lovely bedside bouquet. Today I’m buying myself the prettiest flowers I find. I’m also going to go to the cliffs, hike with myself, and spend a great deal of time meditating in the woods. I can’t wait to be off work today. I’m going to treat myself like the queen I am.
Women scarf Hand painted Wings and feathers in cotton
I need ALL of these
Since this is my blog, I’m not going to sugar coat things and pretend to be this positive person 24/7, because let’s face it, no one is incredibly happy at all times. Lately I’ve been struggling with feelings of worthlessness and have felt completely consumed by negative energy. Despite my efforts to rid negative energy and disperse any of these feelings, I have not been very successful. My meditation sessions have coaxed me for a short time, but once over, those feeling return again to linger over me like a haunting darkness.
As a caregiver I enter into a world where I have to be strong and positive, and create the clearest energy for each of my clients. But anymore, work as been a huge source of negativity and stress, causing me lots of anxiety. I walk on egg shells at work because any wrong word spoken by any caregiver, at this point, results in getting sent home or fired. Our boss is going through a serious life circumstance and feels as though it’s necessary to take out her stress on all of her employees.
I’m getting really burned out taking care of people every day. When will it be my turn to be taken care? I have such a great man by my side. And the best friends surrounding me, but no matter the crowd around me, it’s as if none of it matters. I try to be there and be strong for my friends, coworkers and clients. Truth be told: I’M EXHAUSTED. I’m just so tired. I’m tired of trying to spread positive light when I don’t feel like I’m being given any positive light. I’m tired of spreading love when I don’t feel its return. I’m tired of giving and not receiving.
When will it be my turn? I’m just so tired.
(This is probably the most selfish post I will ever post. But I don’t even care)